Healing my relationship to money Part 3

Wrestle with God/Self

If you’ve tangled long enough with God, check out Part One and Part Two of Healing My Relationship with Money.

It’s time now to see that it wasn’t God making things get delayed or not delivering what you needed; it was about a knot that was getting pulled tight as soon as you entered a situation related to money. For example, negotiating with a client about your daily or hourly rates.

Now you can see it wasn’t God but the vibration you were operating from. Not even something to blame, but rather good information to have—and enough awareness to recognize, as it’s happening, that your body was remembering old timelines: situations where your safety was at stake, probably in early childhood. You might have felt you couldn’t trust that you would receive what you needed. You might have felt you had to grasp it, to be quick.

And this is how it got programmed in your psyche that negotiation around money is a life-or-death situation. So either you act quickly to seal the deal, or you avoid it altogether, swinging like a pendulum, being triggered in opposite directions.

According to Jungian author Robert Johnson, from the female principle of the psyche, problems are solved through four stages: naivete, problem, waiting, and solution. (See She by Robert Johnson.)

God wants you to enjoy. Your desires are desiring you!

Finally, now that you see it was about you, it was about your capacity to receive, to have space inside yourself for money or anything else to land. It wasn’t God withholding something from you. God wants you to receive with ease, not with pushing. This is the nature of God and life.

It’s just that your wires were crossed in the first place because society teaches us the opposite—that we need to grind and push hard to get something. In reality, it’s a matter of alignment.

Understand that you can feel God’s love to your core. After all, God wants you to be so relaxed in your being, to so enjoy life, that it’s designed for you to receive from that exhale.

The reason I couldn’t receive what I wanted was because I didn’t have enough space inside myself. I was bracing for one more failure, one more disappointment, every time I took action related to my work. This pushing energy doesn’t let the soil be fertile.

Whatever we want to plant—the soil doesn’t need to prove that seeds will grow. The soil’s value is intact simply by being soil.

Let the Voice Be There

The practice here is to constantly regulate your nervous system. When you need to deliver something, say send an email to communicate your rates, do it from a relaxed state.

If your system is making assumptions based on past experiences like “it’s not gonna work out,” it’s only waiting to prove itself right. Don’t become that voice. Hear it, but don’t get caught in it. Don’t fight it either—maybe gently say, “maybe, maybe not.”

This voice is trying to prove something deeper. By saying it won’t work out, it’s actually blaming you for things not working out. That’s why the voice can feel heavy.

Set Intentions Before Work

Setting intentions before starting work is also a good practice to align with an opportunity. Remember: not every opportunity has to land. You don’t get every opportunity you think is “aligned.”

You don’t know what the best outcome for you is until you give it a chance.

To do this, we need to feel safe. Only when you’re financially safe can you take these actions; otherwise, you’ll keep getting triggered back to old survival patterns.

At the same time, this is not how I always do it 😀 complex systems require complex solutions.

Most importantly, you must hear your own truth and act accordingly. Taking risks and making choices is up to you. No one and nothing will save you except you.

What Do People Mean When They Say “You Attract Your Energetic Match”?

Energetic alignment comes with a paradox. When you sense alignment and see new people or experiences coming into your life, you experience reality from a higher consciousnes.

You might think, “Since I’m aligned now, I can get what I want,” and expect God to deliver. If that doesn’t happen, you might feel resentment.

But God’s perspective is much wider. Even if you think a certain thing is “aligned” for you, it still might not be.

The purpose of life is to keep going, not to get hooked on something happening for you, not to wait for what you think should happen.

“Alignment” or Attachment to Outcome in Disguise?

If you tie the whole thing to “When my energy is right, I’ll get it,” you’ve just created a new trap that still keeps you hooked on the outcome.

It becomes a more spiritual-sounding version of the same survival game:

* Old version: “If I act fast enough, please enough, or prove enough, I’ll get it.”
* New version: “If I’m aligned enough, I’ll get it.”

Both make your nervous system scan for proof in the external world that you’re okay, instead of letting that sense of safety be something you build independent of outcomes.

It’s the ego still bargaining with the Self:
“I’ll do the inner work… as long as you give me what I want.”

The practice that shifts this isn’t alignment *to get* the thing—it’s alignment to be okay without the thing.

Once your nervous system trusts that, paradoxically, the chances of things flowing increase, but now you’re not gambling your worth on them.

So when you take action, you’re not doing it from a place of contraction or the story, “I’m doing this so you’ll give me that.”

Building Internal Capacity

When I act from inner discomfort, the opportunity has no space to land, and when it doesn’t, it looks like another failure.

In this contracted state, you might notice shame in your body: shoulders squeezed, head down, avoiding eye contact. Your body remembers an old event that this moment reminds it of.

This contraction happens as you interact with different parts of your life. It’s your body remembering and bracing for failure again.

To shift it, try giving people the benefit of the doubt. Vibrate at the frequency that people have good intentions, instead of projecting your inner voice onto them (“Things aren’t going well,” “They forgot me,” “Bad things will happen”).

If something didn’t work out, assume the best—maybe they just forgot to contact you or send that thing.

Don’t take that voice as the ultimate truth of the moment.

Think of this contracted state like someone handing you a glass of water:
If your hands are shaking, you might spill it.

From this contracted space, it’s not possible to receive money either.

Staying Present and Developing Agility

Being open means being present.

By softening your belly and not holding your breath, you become more receptive.

You might wonder, “If I’m soft and open, how will I protect myself?”
Being open doesn’t mean leaving yourself exposed without boundaries. It means sensing more clearly what’s happening inside and around you.

By being present, you can feel when something is off and take the right action from that awareness.

It can be hard, and perhaps that’s why you’ve avoided paying attention before. But the only way out is through.

Start small. Even moving a finger can be an act of reclaiming power. Watch how each small movement creates a ripple effect, helping you take larger actions over time.

This capacity to take aligned action is the masculine principle of your psyche—the force that creates safety for your feminine to express herself.

As Shoshona says, “Be, do, have.”
Embodying what you want in life requires enough space and containment inside you. When you can hold the vision by embodying it, you act with the vision’s integrity. That integrity becomes your blueprint, the frequency of what you desire to have.

Healing My Relationship with Money = Healing My Relationship with the Masculine

The process of healing my relationship with money meant healing my relationship with the masculine—marrying the forces inside me, the yin and the yang. One cannot exist or function without the other.

This is the union, the interplay between light and dark.

Now I see why I’ve always had such an intense urge, even a fantasy, to be with men. I had longed for this union until I came to terms with my own inner tension—my inner union.

The victimized place of the psyche (see my first blog post on Healing My Relationship with Money – The Story of the Psyche) is the beginning of your heroine’s journey.

The heart-shattering gift of my Saturn return was integrating my animus and understanding that a job isn’t a humiliation; it’s scaffolding for your real work.

Once you have structure, you can channel creativity more safely, without panic.

The female principle—creativity—needs the masculine principle of structure, containers, and safety to thrive.

My battle was wanting to prove I didn’t need structures because I saw them killing my soul. But that was an old memory. I have to trust that it won’t be that way this time.

This isn’t just about a job (which here symbolizes my masculine energy), but about creating a sustainable structure around my energy. That structure allows anything I do to be sustainable, not draining.

As a freelancer, I wasn’t truly free either. It felt like a lose-lose situation: “normal jobs” or “freelancing.” But Saturn is teaching me it’s not about that—there’s another way.

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Finally, as I began to emerge from my shell and start the most challenging part of my journey, a group of people stood beside me.

I joined an Instagram challenge with the New Earth Community, initiated by Thor Aarsand, and long before that, thanks to Jordan Thornton’s YouTube channel, I deep-dived into some of the books he recommended.

And there have been many other teachers along the way, too many to name.

I hope this blog post gives you even a tiny bit of insight into your own journey of healing your relationship with money.