How to dissolve a projection?

When there is strong energy whether it is big love or hatred that you feel towards someone, you can be sure that you are projecting.

Most attachment-healing people would say that the excitement and butterflies in the stomach that you are feeling are actually the pattern you have been playing over and over again when it comes to romantic projections. That is true, but what they don’t say is that you can actually consciously notice your projection and then play it out again to dissolve it if you choose to.

You can follow your projection to understand deep layers of yourself.

When you dissolve a projection you will untangle its grip and power over you. In the end, you will be able to look in the eye of this pattern that you have been playing for the longest time.

In this post, I will explore the romantic projection. The examples and direction for this type of projection through the lens of Jungian psychology.

The reason why I like to play with projections is that if you don’t dissolve a strong projection, you’ll keep projecting the same fascination onto different people over and over again. This is because every projection reflects a pattern you need to be conscious of; otherwise, even if you blame, adopt a victim mindset, and eventually move on from the person, the thing you are lacking within yourself will persist, no matter how much you try to avoid facing it.

When you consciously engage with a projection or reflect on it afterward it can give you insights. You can find out what is the quality or the feelings that you unconsciously allow yourself to experience through another person in the form of romantic love.

The only way out is through! You need to integrate the quality/feelings you are projecting onto others. Otherwise, the pattern will keep repeating itself.

For you to dissolve a projection first you need to notice when it is happening. For this, I urge you to be as grounded as possible. Take deep breaths in and out if possible. You can even set an intention before confronting your object of projection (the person you feel intense love for). For instance, ‘May I be present and curious now. May I stay open to this person/experience.’

I want to remind you this is based on my experience and how I did it. I think this can inspire reflection and if you choose to, you can explore it for yourself.

As I said, playing with this requires you to be grounded in yourself. Because there is always a chance that projection can take over just like how it did many times before. So, be sober when confronting a projection.

I think of projections as big energies that in a way have power over you because you can only experience whatever feeling or quality you are lacking in yourself through another person. This is not conscious therefore it is a projection if you can bring your consciousness to it meaning make the unconscious conscious then you are one step closer to integrating and embodying this quality/feeling within yourself.

You can be projecting any feeling/quality that is not actualized in your reality. For example, this can be the quality of another person's acceptance or compassion for you, or on the complementary side, it can be another person's confidence and trust. On a conscious level, you might not understand exactly why you are madly attracted to someone but your unconscious longs to integrate certain qualities within you. Therefore you find yourself over and over again repeating a pattern and searching for something that is suppressed within yourself. These feelings/qualities you are attracted to are too threatening for you to feel it by yourself but it is much easier to feel through another person in the form of love and fascination.

If you can not notice it while happening you can also reflect after it happened and let yourself journal and process. My favorite way of processing is taking a walk where I can be closer to nature. If you feel like you have more access to your authentic self in nature you can journal there as well.

Appreciation and first steps in working with the projections

When reflecting on your projection, feel your feelings and try to bring gratitude that you were able to feel such love and connection with/through someone. Direct your attention to whatever you feel the most intense energy for. For instance, if it is about the gaze of the person that awakens a really strong reaction in you, the way he/she looked at you try to understand how this makes you feel. Name the feelings. What sensations do you feel? Here is a guided somatic exercise that can help this exploration.

If what you have seen through the eyes of another person was the deep acceptance and compassion let’s say. Try to see where in your life you are not accepting yourself. Try to explore the ways to accept yourself the way this person modeled to you. In which event/instance you felt most accepted? This is probably where you need acceptance the most in your life.

To work on the gaze for instance; Try to bring that look while looking at yourself in the mirror, try to see that look in your eyes. How does it feel looking at yourself with the same acceptance and compassion you experienced through the other person's eyes?

You can also meditate on this; Close your eyes and take a couple of deep breaths in and out. Visualize the energy you felt coming not from the other person, but from within your heart. Feel it radiate outward. You can also do any other intuitive practice to work with this energy.

Where? In which time of the day? Under what circumstances do you have access to this inner wisdom of you? This grounded the real you. If you can not notice the projection as it is happening try to reflect afterward when you have access to the real you. When you are not under pressure by work or other people around you. Journal stream of consciousness. What is coming to your mind when thinking about the event? Write everything. All the connections, connect all the seemingly unrelated dots even if it looks like it is not making sense at the moment. Do not filter, just write!

As projections are happening you might find yourself pulled into one polarized side or in a split meaning two opposing sides are at play and you are torn in between. For instance, the split could be between two opposing parts of connection and protection. One part of you might be urging you to separate while the other part might be wanting to experience the closeness and connection. When you feel torn between two opposing sides try to bring compassion for this conflict. It is okay to feel torn in between. It is okay to feel conflicted. Try to remove the shame by accepting it as it is. Whatever you feel.

Projections and splits surface because the psyche seeks integration. The split parts—connection and protection, in this case—both hold truths and needs. By recognizing the projection, you can begin to see that both sides are valid and find ways to harmonize them. The need for protection might be about setting boundaries, while the need for connection might be about fostering trust. Integrating these parts also can help create safety within the intimate connections as well.

Now let’s explore what your projection is prompting you to integrate.

What is your projection revealing for you to integrate?

Understanding what your object of projection (The person you are projecting onto) represents in you is crucial for integrating and dissolving the projection.

To explore what your object of projection represents in you. First, you can write the name of the person you are projecting on then start writing your associations while always coming back to the name of the person before writing new words. Basically, we are trying to generate words based on what this person represents for you. This is the method I learned from Robert Jhonson’s Inner Work, book. You can write words and sentences just like shown on the diagram.

From all these associations that you have written one of them will click, and you might feel more drawn to one of them. This might seem too simple but in the first place, the reason why you are drawn to this person is because of a surge of energy. So coming up with a word that brings a lot of energy in you means it’s clicking.

For instance, let’s say that one of the associations you have written was practicality and you feel it is clicking. You can try to see where in your life you need to be more practical. What is your relationship to practicality? Where in your life do you lack practicality? Do you find it too linear and soulless to be practical? What about you can both be practical and creative? Can you see your judgment towards practicality and can you explore how to embody this quality in your terms?

The reason why you might be avoiding certain qualities to integrate within yourself can be coming from how around you these qualities are understood but I invite you to challenge your judgments by bringing your flavor of embodiment to the quality that you were projecting.

The first time you notice a projection it can be very strong and disorienting but with more time and recognition of your patterns you will better understand the projection, and you will feel more grounded in your exploration of projections.

Doing this what I find interesting is that each time you work on a new projection it gets to be deeper. I think each time you integrate a projection you are getting closer to your real self, you are becoming whole. Of course, this depends on which projections you choose to work with. But I believe you will intuitively understand when there is a projection that you better be integrating.

An object of projection also can trigger both our shadow side, things that we associate with more negativity, in this case, we might feel more avoidant towards the projection. On the other hand, our golden shadow prompts us to feel intense attraction towards others. By trying to listen to your body, hear your intuition, and simply, again feel where the surge of energy lies, you can decide which projection to work on. However, the bigger the charge a projection has, the deeper wounds you can unravel. You can always choose to go easy and choose to work with less charged projections first. The highly charged projections mostly feel very hard to work with but the gain will be the same greatness. Make sure you are resourced enough to work on these and seek support when you need it.

When you are conscious enough of your projections while it is happening it will be an even more integrative experience. With time and more reflection, you can become aware of when it is happening.

It is your choice to play with the projections this way. There can be projections that you choose to not play and let go of it as well. You have complete agency over this process.

Creating rituals to integrate the experience

After reflecting and making associations with your projections. Try to see the unconscious contract here. When there is a projection there can be contracts. For example, ‘If I am a good girl/boy I will get what I want’.

Try to write yours. What do you expect in return for what you do/give? This is very hidden. This is an unconscious contract. You probably did this with your caregivers to stay in connection when you were young. This is also the last part of the interpretation. Find out what you are releasing at this stage. What is not serving you anymore that you become aware of by doing this inner work? With releasing what is not aligned you are also calling in what needs to be integrated. For example: ‘I am releasing the shame around my expectations and desires and calling in courage to be able to talk about them.’ Try to write yours. What contact are you fulfilling by projecting onto him/her?

This alchemy of death/life/death cycle (Check out the 5th story Skeleton Women from the book Women Who Runs with the Wolves) might be hard to understand at first. Letting go of being/acting in certain ways can be hard. You might feel like you are not ready to let go of it. But I think when you can see the consequences of holding onto certain things that you need to let go of, it makes sense and you can gradually arrive at a point where you feel ready to let go.

For instance, feeling a lot of shame around your desires and expectations in relation to a person can not get you a fulfilling relationship so you need to make this shame conscious. You need to be able to acknowledge it for yourself first. This is how you make the unconscious conscious.

To honor this letting go and let your unconscious understand you got the message, it is very important to create a ritual. As I mentioned before, I learned this from the book Inner Work as I mentioned before. With the intention to integrate this experience, you can take a walk. Watch the sunset to mark the death, letting go of this energy no longer serving you. Or you can create other rituals depending on the message you find out by doing this inner work to integrate your projection.

You can tell it to yourself ‘I am letting go of….. And I am calling in ….’ (fill the blank) And start a walk with the intention of stepping into a new path while walking you can embody the courage of moving forward and letting go of the shame about your desires. Now you are on the new path, the path of courageous actions.

Congratulations on your new path! I hope this inspired you in your journey of dissolving your projections by integrating them.

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